Recently I read a blog post from Hilary Kinavey about how, instead of picking a resolution for the New Year, she picks a word to use as her focal point for the year. You can read all about the, spoiler alert, two words she picked for 2015 here. She got me thinking though: if I were to pick a word to focus on in 2015, what would it be?
Eating disorders are nasty. They can eat away at the self-esteem until the person remaining is barely recognizable. That's what it was like for me. For the last 14 years I have taken great pride in experiencing my self-esteem rebuild from the teeny tiny spec that was left over after recovery. It happened slowly, sometimes frighteningly slowly, but nevertheless day-by-day and year-by-year my confidence grew.
Then 2014 happened and I found myself facing a brand new obstacle. Last January I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and underwent a double mastectomy. After a total of five surgeries in one year my self-esteem took a dip. Last year I was just making it through. I didn’t have the energy to deal with the self-esteem issue so I found myself just ignoring the mirror and making it through from surgery to surgery. There are no more surgeries on the horizon and now I know just what I need to make my focal point of 2015: self-acceptance.
It’s time to look into the mirror and practice radical self-love and acceptance. I know I can do this because I have already clawed my way back from the grips of an eating disorder. I’m stronger now. I’m supported and accepted and loved. I’m ready.
I surely don’t think this will be easy. Quite honestly, I’m kind of thinking last years surgeries will be nothing in comparison, but I will stop ignoring mirrors. I will stop worrying that the scars define me. I will move my body joyfully. I will take pride each day in the body that has overcome an eating disorder, birthed two beautiful babies, and fought cancer. I will try my hardest each and every day to practice self-acceptance…I’ll let you know how it goes!